8 posts tagged “tedium”

i know, i know....  it may seem like i'm piling on, but i am guided by a greater power here.  i have a mission.  soccer is just the worst and if, at the end of my life, i could look back and know that i played but a small role in the elimination of its great scourge on our society i would die a happy man.  you're wrong for liking it - you know who you are - and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

probably my very favorite story about soo doh nim, of all there are from which to choose, is that of the day he was holding forth on parenting in the smoking room of misha's.  i don't recall what exactly was said, but it was something along the lines of questioning the masculinity of future sons.  soo said whatever he said, and dabysan muttered not-so-much under his breath, "there's a kid that will never know how to throw a football."  soo lowered his steely gaze, paused for effect, and with an effete flick of his wrist gestured with his cigarette and replied cattily, "i can throw a fucking football."  never before in the history of speech had a single sentence so utterly undermined its intended outcome, and it's possible one never will.

as it happened, a few weeks later at the challenge of doc paradox, soo showed up at our weekly football game and as it turned out, he could throw a fucking football.  we were shocked.  what's more shocking (or not, actually) is that soo can throw a fucking football better than that of professional - heh - "athlete" david beckham, as the video below will clearly illustrate.  i just can't wait to see the ones where beckham is tested on his vertical leap or bench press reps or forty meter dash or any other empirical measure of athletic ability, really.

incidentally, has any reading in any commercial ever been delivered with less conviction that that with which reggie bush delivers his last line?  it's fortunate for reggie he's an athlete, because he's certainly not going to cut it as a thespian.  oh, and speaking of those pick-up football games, it appears as if becks learned how to play defense from dabysan.

the sports-related internets are all a-flutter (a-twitter?  help me out here.) with the impending arrival on this continent of the sixth spice girl and the requisite accompanying media blitz.  naturally, much of this attention has fallen - and negatively - upon adidas' new advertising campaign "futbol v. football," which pairs beckham with new orleans saints star reggie bush.  apparently, professional sports had heretofore been unsullied by the stain of advertising dollars and this craven attempt at consumerism on the part of adidas threatens to forever tarnish the purity of soccer.  or something.  i can't tell for sure because i'm too busy laughing.

i made my peace with my sports heroes shilling for products long ago - right about the time i learned what sports and/or advertising were, actually.  (it helps, i guess, that one of my early heroes was involved in what has become widely regarded as a classic.)  so naturally, i hope this ad campaign goes on for at least a thousand years.  seriously.  i can't get enough of it, and here's why: if i had a stake in professional soccer in this country (and thank god for me i don't), the last thing i'd want is some uppity shoe company deciding to feature some pasty british fop in a series of advertisments that will serve as a constant and very public reminder of how much better athletes are football players than "futbol" players.  this could very well be the end - one would hope - of our long national nightmare that is soccer in the united states.  i just might have to buy some adidas in honor of the occasion.

after a promising start to the year, things have cooled as of late on the sporting front.  the past couple have months have proven either tedious or disappointing.  at least my beloved miami heat finally took home an NBA championship in that time.  i don't know that i'd have survived the summer without that.  oh, and my yankee games.  you know how i love the yankees.

anyway, things are about to change.  i know some lesser teams have yet to report, and others started earlier this week, but the pre-season doesn't really get under way until the steelers report to latrobe.  yes, ladies and gentlemen, the 2006-07 NFL season has now officially begun.  today marks the first step on the journey to a record sixth lombardi trophy for the city of pittsburgh.  every other time they have won the super bowl, they have followed it with a repeat the next year.  this season should be no different.

i was at a community workshop in arlington until ten o'clock this evening.  it had occurred to me on my return home to write about it.  but i can't revisit it just yet; it's too painful.  i wish i hadn't had to suffer through it the first time.   so you're spared.  you're welcome.

instead, i downloaded and read this brief PDF, which came across my desk earlier today.  in short, it's a concept that appears in this months washingtonian magazine for an expansion of the national mall.  you'll see the plan below.

as i mentioned, i first received this as an email attachment in the midst of another busy day.  i didn't have time to give it much more than a cursory glance, but i have to admit my first reaction was unfavorable.  i won't go so far as to say i have come around fully, but i'm at least willing to hear the author out.  chief among my objections was a distaste for sculpting the river's edge, but as is pointed out, we've been doing that for years already.  the lincoln memorial sits on reclaimed land.  the bottom of king street in alexandria is all fill.  kansai airport in osaka and approximately 98% of the netherlands wouldn't exist if engineers weren't so eager to dump a bunch of dirt in the water so they can build more stuff.

on the other hand, it's too formal.  and the formality of the mall extension is only heightened (in plan, at least) by the tension of its proximity to the organic shape of organic hains point.  for better or for worse, we already have something of the monumental statue indicated by the star at the number "5."  it, too, exists at the tip of hains point.  and who first arrives in DC by boat, anyway?  i'm pretty sure i don't care for either the pedestrian bridge or the extension of maryland avenue mucking up jefferson's memorial (my favorite of the big ones).  it would be enormously expensive - perhaps prohibitively so.  comparisons of dollars to the creation of the tidal basin seem disingenuous, as all public works are considerably more expensive than they were a century ago, even in adjusted dollars.  and there is absolutely no way you are gonna convince me you can move the existing supreme court building (#6) to this site for only $30 million.  no way.  ain't happening.

still, it's interesting to think about.  (maybe more so because the exercise strikes me as purely academic in nature.)  some compelling arguments for more ceremonial and memorial space - the listed ronald reagan memorial notwithstanding - are made.  just don't let the arlington county site plan review commission have a crack at it.  some guy named ted will attempt to squeeze every last drop of life out of the plan.

dabysan wrote about this over the weekend, but my comments seemed - at least lengthwise - to deserve a post of their own.

the problem of soccer is scale.  every thing (except its players) is too big.  the game lasts ninety minutes - at least thirty minutes too long.  the field, which apparently isn't even codified to a standard size, is about 100 by 150 yards.  that's three times the size of a real football field, people - with the same number of players.  no wonder they stand around so much.  and those players - they are athletes only in the most generous sense of the word.  seriously, would it kill you to hit the weight room every once in a while?

soccer apologists often claim that if soccer awarded seven points for each score then real football fans wouldn't complain so much.  that's just stupid.   soccer frequently gives us 2-1 or 2-1 nothing or worse: 1-1 scores.  that'd be a 14-7 game - at best - in the NFL.  everybody who knows anything knows the average football score is somewhere in the 24-21 neighborhood.  clearly there just isn't as much scoring in soccer.  and that so many games end in ties is inexcusable.

soccer is the "most popular sport in the world" TM (soccer fans) solely because it is so easy to play.  all you need is a semblance of a ball.  it's - again - an issue of scale.  more people may participate than any other sport, but that doesn't make it the best.

y'know... i realize i am now just piling on, but it's too sweet.  an article published on slate.com today has changed my mind about MLS.  to wit:

Major League Soccer helps spread the game by building soccer-specific stadia in major metropolitan areas. But what will really cause the game to explode here is huge World Cup success. And there's no doubt that MLS hinders the building of a decent national team. The only world-class international tournament the United States participates in is the World Cup, which happens every four years. The rest of the world competes in a massive international soccer tournament every two years—whether it's Copa America, the European Championships, the African Nations Cup, or the Asian Cup. The United States has been asked to participate in Copa America multiple times, only to be refused because of MLS commitments. The benefits of reducing the time between to-the-death competitions would be incalculable, but U.S. Soccer stubbornly refuses, saying it prefers to build the domestic league.

good for MLS and sticking to its guns.  the last thing any of us want is a soccer explosion.  it's enough to make me almost consider purchasing season-tickets for DC United.  almost.

is there anything more pointless than a bitter fan of USA soccer?  i didn't think so.  now that competition for team USA has mercifully ended, we have reached the point in world cup festivities i actually relish: the few losers in this country who like the lame-ass sport whining about our poor showing.  we've got a full weekend - i hope - of deconstructing our pathetic display of moppishness before our sports pages are liberated from soccer's icy grip for another four years.  there's a valuable lesson for the children here: you're going nowhere fast if you stick with soccer, kid; switch to football post haste.  with any luck, next time 'round we won't even bother to compete.

our long national nightmare is over.   all hail ghana for delivering us from the tedium of more soccer.  may we please now return to focusing on the crucial NFL off-season?