3 posts tagged “spice world”

david beckham didn't do anything ridiculous today.  by which i mean he probably did something, but we don't know about it because for once everybody gave him the attention he deserves and neglected to report it.  i suppose it's probably for the best, because there's much bigger news in the spice world.  that's right: the spice girls announced their reunion tour.  surely there are millions of other people besides the mighty roy who have been waiting with bated breath for this announcement.  i, however, don't know any of them.  a highly scientific straw poll taken five minutes ago in my kitchen produced the following list of things that the spice girls are better than: soccer.  (see how i worked that in?  i'm very clever.  and soccer blows.)

for what it's worth, today and the past two days here on hotrod.vox.com represent exhibits one and two of why we should be looking to someone - almost anyone, really - but the brits for our pop culture diversions.  they haven't gotten it right with any regularity since the 1960's.

i know, i know....  it may seem like i'm piling on, but i am guided by a greater power here.  i have a mission.  soccer is just the worst and if, at the end of my life, i could look back and know that i played but a small role in the elimination of its great scourge on our society i would die a happy man.  you're wrong for liking it - you know who you are - and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

probably my very favorite story about soo doh nim, of all there are from which to choose, is that of the day he was holding forth on parenting in the smoking room of misha's.  i don't recall what exactly was said, but it was something along the lines of questioning the masculinity of future sons.  soo said whatever he said, and dabysan muttered not-so-much under his breath, "there's a kid that will never know how to throw a football."  soo lowered his steely gaze, paused for effect, and with an effete flick of his wrist gestured with his cigarette and replied cattily, "i can throw a fucking football."  never before in the history of speech had a single sentence so utterly undermined its intended outcome, and it's possible one never will.

as it happened, a few weeks later at the challenge of doc paradox, soo showed up at our weekly football game and as it turned out, he could throw a fucking football.  we were shocked.  what's more shocking (or not, actually) is that soo can throw a fucking football better than that of professional - heh - "athlete" david beckham, as the video below will clearly illustrate.  i just can't wait to see the ones where beckham is tested on his vertical leap or bench press reps or forty meter dash or any other empirical measure of athletic ability, really.

incidentally, has any reading in any commercial ever been delivered with less conviction that that with which reggie bush delivers his last line?  it's fortunate for reggie he's an athlete, because he's certainly not going to cut it as a thespian.  oh, and speaking of those pick-up football games, it appears as if becks learned how to play defense from dabysan.

the sports-related internets are all a-flutter (a-twitter?  help me out here.) with the impending arrival on this continent of the sixth spice girl and the requisite accompanying media blitz.  naturally, much of this attention has fallen - and negatively - upon adidas' new advertising campaign "futbol v. football," which pairs beckham with new orleans saints star reggie bush.  apparently, professional sports had heretofore been unsullied by the stain of advertising dollars and this craven attempt at consumerism on the part of adidas threatens to forever tarnish the purity of soccer.  or something.  i can't tell for sure because i'm too busy laughing.

i made my peace with my sports heroes shilling for products long ago - right about the time i learned what sports and/or advertising were, actually.  (it helps, i guess, that one of my early heroes was involved in what has become widely regarded as a classic.)  so naturally, i hope this ad campaign goes on for at least a thousand years.  seriously.  i can't get enough of it, and here's why: if i had a stake in professional soccer in this country (and thank god for me i don't), the last thing i'd want is some uppity shoe company deciding to feature some pasty british fop in a series of advertisments that will serve as a constant and very public reminder of how much better athletes are football players than "futbol" players.  this could very well be the end - one would hope - of our long national nightmare that is soccer in the united states.  i just might have to buy some adidas in honor of the occasion.