5 posts tagged “patriots”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry.  Um.  Well...

Uh.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I-  I'm okay.  I'm Oka-  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Uh... *snicker*  Yeah  *snicker*  More tomorrow.  Teehee.

The New England Patriots have been playing dumb (it's not hard, I know) for days, pretending they've never heard of a defensive starter on the team they're about to play.  I'm still not thrilled about the "guarantee" earlier this week, but if the Pats really have never heard of Anthony Smith (that's him above, leveling Bengals receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh), like they claim, then the Steelers are in better shape than I thought, because it means they haven't studied any film of the league's number one defense.  I don't believe it, but I'd like to.

Game time is just about sixteen hours away.  Fortunately, I've been busy enough so far this weekend that I haven't had much time yet to dwell on the most important Steeler game since February 5, 2006.  I've got nothing going on, though, between now and game-time, and I doubt I can fill all those hours with blissful slumber.  I won't say I regret, per se, my bone-headed decision to watch the game with Dabysan, but, well.... no, actually I do regret it.  I think the only way I'm going to make it through is to indulge in the official drinking game.  The over/under on me passing out is set at twelve minutes into the third quarter.  I'm taking the under.  Daby's live-blog is gonna be fun!

[UPDATE:  It wasn't fun.  At all.]

Cap'n Crunch may not know anything about bulletin board material, but I do.  And THIS is bulletin board material.  To wit:  Steelers non-Polamalu safety Anthony Smith said today, ""We're going to win.  Yeah, I can guarantee a win."  Look, I know the Steelers are going to win too, but I would never actually say so to anyone who can, you know, publish my words in a forum where the New England Patriots could read them.  Other things I wouldn't say include: "I think we were facing great receivers last week too and we shut them down.  Those three guys, I don't think it gets much better than Cincinnati's corps of receivers.  We've already seen the best."  I mean, everyone who knows anything about football knows Smith is right that Chad Johnson, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, and Chris Henry are a better receiving corps than Randy Moss, Donte Stallworth, and Wes Welker [Editor's Note:  Cap'n Crunch - and probably Dabysan - believe Moss, Stallworth, and Welker are better than Johnson, Houshmandzadeh, and Henry.  Naturally.], but you don't actually SAY so.  Sheesh.

And as of this afternoon I have to watch the game on Sunday with Daby, who will be rooting for the Patriots out of spite because he's a go-tard who knows I know more about football than him.  Who would figure that sweet, sweet spite would one day come back to, uh, spite me?  I hate irony.

This evening has been thus far a perfect storm of suckitude in the National Football League for your friendly neighborhood Hotrod.  First of all - and most importantly - the hated Baltimore Ravens are tied with the more hated New England Patriots at the half.  This is unfortunate, as my gut reaction is to root for the Ravens against the cheating Patriots.  Except, I hate the Ravens and have ever since their counterfeit Super Bowl "victory".  But I hate the Patriots even more these days and have been relishing the fact that the mighty Pittsburgh Steelers would be the one to spoil their presumptive undefeated season.  So I have to root for the goddamn Patriots.

To make matters worse, in my premiere fantasy league, I need crack cocaine addict Tom Brady to score approximately fifty points in the second half in order for me to secure the first round bye in the playoffs.  I hate this shit.  I hate football.  And the only consolation at this point is that the ***skins coach is a go-tard who doesn't remember the rules.  That's little comfort.  I mean, I already KNEW that.