please myron, don't hurt 'em

nobody@vox.com(hotrod) — Sun, 11 May 2008 13:20:30 -0400

A couple of months ago when Myron Cope shuffled off this mortal coil, I thought it proper to link to some sound bites. I guess it's because I thought of him primarily as a radio personality that I didn't consider checking Youtube. Sweet Jesus, that was a mistake! This video, which I can only assume was meant to make me excited for Pittsburgh Pirates baseball, came to my attention a couple of days ago. It's probably not safe for work. Or home. Or.... anywhere, really. Don't say you weren't warned.

hammer time

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yoi! double yoi!! and triple yoi!!!

nobody@vox.com(hotrod) — Wed, 26 Jul 2006 23:13:24 -0400

i realize - despite my last post - that it is unwise to give dabysan too much of an upper hand. lucky for me we are closing in on NFL training camp (and by default the impending season). we've had this discussion - the inevitable forecast - many times over the past decade, but i daresay never before have i been in such an enviable position.

i wish they played each other this year, but they don't. so we will have to be content with comparing our teams by their respective advances into the post-season. assuming, of course, that dabysan's team makes it there in the first place. and that's a big "if." but i'm getting a bit ahead of myself.

let's recap, shall we? i have been - except for a single misguided year in fourth grade when i supported the miami dolphins after dan marino's breakout season - a fan of the single greatest franchise ever assembled for the sake of sporting enterprise. and it just so happens that i support the current defending champions of american football (aka, the BEST football) throughout the world. and dabysan supports the washington redskins, which is odd because he claims to be a californian whenever convenient.

for those that don't know, there is somewhat of a discrepency of ownership of these two clubs. daniel rooney is the son of the owner who brought his long-suffering team at last into glory, and he has recently passed control of the team on to his own son, who will surely do likewise. both dan and his father, art, are hall-of-famers who have given tirelessly to their team and the greater good of the league as a whole. in stark contrast stands daniel snyder - owner of the redskins and smug little rich shitprick (yeah, you read that correctly).

there's at least a bazillion reasons to hate daniel snyder and by default, the washington redskins. (in fact, i actively rooted for the team until such time as little napoleon took control. i recently met a long-time fan who claims to only root for the team on away dates, as she can't stand the thought of danny boy relishing a victory in a luxury box in his own stadium. i like that. a LOT.) but not least of which is his persistance in maintaining a racist nickname. i know this argument well; for the entirety of my college experience my school was embroiled in the very same debate. i supported keeping the name at the time, mainly because i was a stupid asshole and i liked it because it was old. and the miami tribe supported it. miami university - to its credit - changed its name the moment the tribe revoked its endorsement. it's unfortunate that my alma mater changed the name of its teams to the redhawks, but i supported that decision too, because though i was still an asshole, two years later i was considerably less stupid. it was the right thing to do.

and it's the right thing to do in the case of the professional football team based in the vicinity of our nation's capital, but danny is far more of a stupid asshole than i ever dreamt. (and again, that's saying a lot.) but that's far from his only offense. he gouges his fans. i know what you're saying - you're above the fray; you're a steeler fan. but the thing is - i love football. i love football more than about everything. and i love going to games. but going to games around here is vastly more expensive than everywhere else. and it's danny's fault.

i am once again thankful, at least, that i have no interest in attending the redskins' practice. otherwise danny might lay even more claim to my wallet. deadspin.com - which should be daily reading whether you are into sports or not - is all over this. i highly recommend sticking around for the comments, in which "hoagie with pastrami" relays the following story which - at long last - inspired the title of this post.

There's a story that the 'skins were playing the Steelers back in 2000. Steelers announcer Myron Cope (who was at least 70 at this time) kept referring to the Redskins as the "Wash Redfaces".

Apparently, Snyder didn't like this and sent someone to the Steelers radio booth to tell Cope to knock it off.

I believe old-ass Myron's exact quote to Snyder was, "If the boy billionaire thinks he's gonna shut me up, he can stick his head in a can of paint."

Now, what Myron meant by that, who the fuck knows (Myron was pretty famous for often making no sense). But the thought of half drunk, chain smoking, little 70-something-year-old Myron Cope punking out the "bigshot" billionaire Daniel Snyder live on the air just makes me smile.

i miss myron. the world is poorer for his retirement. and daniel snyder likes to suck big dicks.

as for the season.... well, think about it. pittsburgh is the defending champion and they've lost nobody crucial - and upgraded at receiver provided he can stay out of jail. meanwhile, the injuns overpaid for a third-string receiver/punt-returner (who they shouldn't use to return punts because he now costs too much), lost their best defensive player (even though he hadn't a clue how to stay in position), and will be starting either a 49-year-old scrambler or a rookie at quarterback. if you think this season has anything other than "disaster" written all over it for the injuns, i'd like to buy some of whatever you are smoking.

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i just wasn't made for these times

please myron, don't hurt 'em

yoi! double yoi!! and triple yoi!!!