15 posts tagged “lists”

Earlier this evening, M-----l and I were having a few beers and talking about music.  I mentioned my ongoing list of the best records of the year and he suggested I post it.  He mentioned he was out of beer and I suggested he go get more.  At least one of us was prepared to follow though.

Just a little background info, on the very good chance you didn't read the comments on the other post.  This is a list of my favorite records of every year since I graduated from college.  The only criteria are that the record must have been both released and purchased by me within that calendar year.  That's why a lot of great shit doesn't show up here.  I'm notoriously bad about buying new music in a timely fashion.  I wouldn't want to get burned like an idiot like others do.

A year ago, we took it upon ourselves to create a top-five list for several outlets of popular culture.  Our intention was to write a serious review of our number one selection in each category.  We never followed through; not even once.  One year later, we aren't quite so ambitious.  Why post a list of five, we figure, when we could just as easily cut to the chase and post a list of one?  We mean, it's not like we're going to follow through with legitimate criticism this year either.  Besides, 2008 kinda sucked for pop culture anyway, so why bother wracking our brains to compose a list of an arbitrary number decided upon by Nick Hornby.  Which lazy impulse is more dominant?  Who's to say?  Most likely, we're dealing with a little from 'Column A' and a little from 'Column B.'  And so, without further ado, here is the year that was in a nutshell.

It would figure that the city in which I've lived for almost fourteen years would be determined by HGTV to be one of the top ten "Christmas Towns" in America.

King Street blues

Apropos of nothing....  (Okay, fine - that's a little disingenuous....)  Apropos of Jodi being an idiot, here's a ranking of the best breakfast cereals.

 
Number One (with a bullet). Grape Nuts:  There are at least three unique ways that Grape Nuts are delicious.  I defy you to find a more versatile cereal.  With a little bit of milk, they are pleasantly crunchy.  But if you let them sit for twenty minutes or so, they absorb all that milk and become a dense and delicious paste.  (And you don't have the annoyance of a puddle of milk at the bottom of the bowl.)  And if you stick the whole bowl in the microwave for a minute or two...  Well, you've got cereal nirvana.  When I was a kid, I liked to spoon enough sugar atop my Grape Nuts to approximate the snows of Kilimanjaro, but they are just as tasty on their own.  If I had to choose only one cereal for the rest of my life, it would be Grape Nuts.

2. Cap'n Crunch:  I'm not even going to make a Cap'n Crook joke here, because Crook can only dream of one day attaining Crunch's lofty heights.  Cap'n Crunch is the king (or, I guess, the Cap'n) of the sweet cereals.  Number two isn't even close.  Crunch succeeds because it doesn't try to be something it isn't.  It doesn't taste like anything but Cap'n Crunch.  (This is why Peanut Butter Crunch is the red-headed stepchild of the Crunch family, and the less said about Crunch Berries the better.)  Sure, it occasionally lacerates the palate; that's a small price to pay for deliciousness.  In a pinch, this cereal can be used as percussion.

3. Raisin Bran:  Flake cereals - as a rule - really, really suck.  And I'm not too crazy about a lot of things that have raisins either.  But this is a match made in heaven.  The key is that these bran flakes become soggy in milk almost instantaneously.  Too many flake cereals try to maintain their structural integrity.  Structural integrity is overrated.  I want a soggy mass of bran punctuated by the occasional raisin.  Also overrated is two scoops of raisins.  Post's Raisin Bran kicks Kelloggs' ass.

4. Cracklin' Oat Bran:  Talk about your soggy masses of bran.  These bran-shaped O's disintegrate into loosely congealed bran particles with the mere hint of milk.  They're also really good mixed into yogurt.

5. Alpha Bits:  Alpha Bits are basically Lucky Charms without the stupid fucking marshmallows.  So this is sort of a case of addition by subtraction.  Also - unlike the inferior Lucky Charms (without the marshmallows) - Alpha Bits are shaped like letters, so you can make them into words.  As a rule, any breakfast cereal that occasionally swears at me is gonna make my top five.

6. Frosted Mini Wheats:  I love shredded wheat, but even better is shredded wheat that's not good for me.  Kelloggs probably figured out early on that most people drown their shredded wheat in sugar, so they eliminated the middle man and coated these little wheat pillows with a sugary glaze.  But they only did so on half the cereal so they could still pretend this is somewhat good for me.  I'm not buying it, which is why I'm buying it.

7. Cookie Crisp:  Speaking of pretending to be good for me, that's something with which Cookie Crisp doesn't bother.  Tiny chocolate chip cookies for breakfast?  Yes, please.

8. Golden Grahams:  It's strange - ordinary graham crackers don't much appeal to me, but if you make them spoon-sized and add a lot of sugar and milk, they become delicious.  Who knew?

9. Cinnamon Toast Crunch:  See Golden Grahams.

10. Life:  Mikey likes it.  So does Hotrod.

Third to last. Trix:  Trix are for kids.  'Nuff said.

Second to last. Froot Loops:  Froot Loops aspire to replicate the subtle melange of fruity flavors that is Trix.

Dead last.  Fruity Pebbles:  Fail.

Some of my neighbors post a monthly column about what they've been reading lately.  M-----l started it, and then Jodi copied.  It seems like a good idea to me (I like to read too), so I'm going to copy both of them.  Here's what I've been reading so far this month:

US Weekly
It turns out that Jen is still pissed that Brad left her for Angelina.  And she might be pregnant with John Mayer's baby.  That could be a good thing because she could probably stand to put on a few pounds.  (It would also be good if John dumps her, like he might.  Again.  His music is terrible.)  She looked way better when Friends first started than she does now.  At any rate, I hope she finally finds the happiness she deserves.

TV Guide
TV Guide ran a cover story on Saturday Night Live recently, which surprised me because SNL hasn't been funny since I was in high school.  But apparently 30 Rock star (and total hottie) Tina Fey has been making guest appearances impersonating someone named Sara Paylen.  I don't know who Sara Paylen is, but I plan to tune in this Saturday night to see what all the buzz is about.

Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume
Man that Fudge is a hoot, right?  I can't believe he actually ate a turtle.  But on a more serious note, this book is about how much younger siblings totally suck.  I have younger siblings too, so I can relate.  They're the worst.  My childhood and adolesence and early adulthood were SO miserable.

Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut
I liked Breakfast of Champions better.  That book had a drawing of a butthole, which made me laugh.  Plus, nobody ate a turtle in this one.  So it goes.

Archie and Jughead
Archie needs new spark plugs for his jalopy so he can take Betty to the sock hop.  (And afterword, he hopes, the drive-in.)  He has the idea to set up a kissing booth at the school fair to raise the money, but that mean old Reggie wants to spoil the plan.  He dresses up in a gorilla suit and gets in line, but Archie is too clever.  When Reggie's eyes are closed, he gets Jughead - whose eyes are also closed - to substitute for him.  Hilarity ensues.  And Archie gets his car fixed.  Betty, naturally, is impressed.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbary
I've had a tough time getting into this one.  I blame this partly on my prevailing foul mood over the past few weeks, which makes me want to zone out and think as little as possible while I ride the subway to and from work.  But I also place blame on the characters, who thus far are clichéd and - worse - boring.  Oh, it's a poor little misunderstood rich girl who thinks she wants to commit suicide; oh, it's a disaffected concierge who pretends to be an anti-intellectual.  However will their lives eventually intersect in a deep and meaningful way?  I'm not being fair and I know it, but come on - I'm ninety pages in.  Let's go somewhere with this already.  And I'm annoyed that this has been sitting so long by now that I should probably read those first ninety pages over again.

People
Angie says Jen should mind her own business.  She didn't make Brad cheat, and Jen should just let it go.  It's been three years now.  I mean, come on....

Weekly World News
YOUR DOCTOR COULD BE AN ALIEN!  Holy. Fucking. Shit.  I knew it!

Earlier this week, I took a trip on my lunch break to a local merchant to pick up the next volume for a book club to which I supposedly belong.  ("Supposedly," because - to date - I have read only one and one third of the books and attended only one third of the meetings.  It seems a little premature to consider myself a full-fledged member.)  A co-worker joined me on this excursion, and promptly headed toward the books on graphic design while I tracked down mine.  Apparently she had exhausted the topic when we were there last, because she'd moved on in the short time it took me to locate my book.

So with my copy of "The Secret Life of Bees" in hand, I wandered the Barnes & Noble looking for my co-worker until a book placed specifically to catch my eye on a table near the escalator caught my eye.  I picked it up and read the back cover.  It was written by a neuroscientist who used to be a sound engineer and record producer, and it proclaimed to be an exploration of the neurological effects of music on the brain.  I leafed through a few pages, and it occurred to me that this book might address some of those questions we have all asked from time to time.  What is it about Hotrod's particular brain chemistry that makes his taste in music so impeccable?  Why is it that a reasonably intelligent individual like Dabysan can be so musically misguided?  How did Emma become such an accomplished music aficionado despite a severe hearing disability?  Would Cap'n Crunch even like music at all if he'd been denied access to his big brother's record collection?  Needless to say, I was intrigued.

Early in the book, the author describes a dinner with another engineer and mentor, John R. Pierce.  Pierce was a giant in the field of telecommunications, building the first transistor and launching the first the first telecom satellite, among other things.  But by 1990 - the year in which this dinner occurred - he was eighty years old.  And what's more, he apparently - for all his achievements - didn't know the first thing about rock and roll.  So he asked the author to compile and play over dinner "six songs that captured all that was important to know about rock and roll."  This is the author's list:

Even the most feeble-minded among us can see that this list is retarded.  First of all, nobody who has graduated from high school takes that particular Eric Clapton song seriously.  Secondly, Little Richard can blow me.  And nobody, but nobody would say there is a more overrated guitarist (with the possible exception of Stevie Ray Vaughn) than Jimi Hendrix.  Now, I see what the author was trying to accomplish here.  Several of these songs open multiple topics of conversation.  The Jimi selection could lead to a discussion of Bob Dylan as well as Jimi and his overrated axe.  Likewise, the selection of the Beatles covering Chuck Berry.  And really, if you're going to distill nearly sixty years of popular music into six songs, you're going to have to be creative with your selections.  But, obviously, this list has some issues.

Naturally, this got me thinking.  "I like music," I thought to myself.  "And I like making lists.  Which songs would I choose to capture rock and roll for an octagenarian who spent the last forty years of his life living in a cave?  And maybe if I post an introduction today and then a song a day for the next six days, that will to some degree help fritter away the time until I go on a long overdue and much needed vacation."  So over the next six days, until I leave for a long overdue and much needed vacation, I'll be posting a song (and I guess a brief discussion of said song) from the correct list of six songs that captures all that is important about rock and roll.  Am I smarter than a neuroscientist/record producer/sound engineer?  Why, yes.  Yes I am.