Last Christmas, my brother-in-law really wanted a new fishing pole. I went to Dick's Sporting Goods at Franklin Park Mall - in between stops at Barnes and Noble and Toys-R-Us - to get him one. The strange thing was: none of their selection was marked with a price tag. So I hunted down a clerk. I picked up a really nice looking pole and asked the salesman how much it was. He said, "I'm blind, but if you give me the pole I can tell how much it is by the weight." I gave him the pole and he quickly replied, "This pole is worth $45." I was a little surprised by how cheap it was. I picked out another nice-looking pole nearby and handed it to the man. He told me, "This pole is worth $55." I could barely believe how cheap these fishing poles were. I then selected the nicest looking pole in the place and handed it to the man. He barely hefted it before saying, "This is our best fishing pole, and it costs $70." I told him I'd take it.
I'd eaten at Taco Bell for lunch, and as the nice salesman was ringing up my merchandise I suddenly had to fart very badly. I decided since he was blind it probably wouldn't matter if I farted in front of him. So I just let it rip. To my surprise, the clerk said, "Okay, your total is $80." Confused, I asked him, "Didn't you say the fishing pole was only $70?"
"It is," he said. "It's $70 for the fishing pole and $10 for the duck call."
In case it isn't blatantly obvious, I haven't felt much like blogging lately. I've got a lot going on right now, and have been feeling generally introspective and (subsequently) down. Some might say this is the perfect time to spew my guts onto the digital page, but that sort of earnest contemplation isn't really what I do. At least, not here. It tends to detract from the bickering and the fart jokes.
But I've never been one to back down from a challenge - even a challenge I never thought would be one. So I'm still here, posting twice a week through the end of the year. I'm not planning on more than that at this point, but I certainly won't rule it out either. It's possible my mood will improve. I suppose anything can happen.
Anyway since I've done a whole lot of uninteresting navel-gazing, here's something that is sort of interesting: today I went for my first run since I hurt my leg in July and I feel great. I had only a little bit of pain in my shin during my run and for a couple hours afterward, but that's gone now. And the endorphins are still buzzing through my system. If I keep this up, I might even be able to manage three posts a week by the end of December.
I probably wouldn't consider, ordinarily, entering a creative writing contest sponsored Slate, but I read today that they're asking people to compose a sentence in the style of Sarah Palin. So I don't why I wouldn't enter. I've got an ace in the hole.
- What gravitates to me a band like the Kennedys is their endless, satirical outlook on society.
- I'm convinced Bon Scott is alive and his soul inhabits the body of that certain co-worker. Every time I see him in the corridor, he acknowledges our connection with a simple "Oui, Oui, Oui!"
- For the longest time, I abstained from this morning delicacy until my junior year of college.
The only real problem I see is determining exactly which incoherent phrase to submit. I may have to start thinking up some pseudonyms.
Man, I’ve been swamped lately. I never thought the 104 Posts in 52 Weeks (104P52W) Challenge would be, well, a challenge. Hell, I hit 104 posts back in May. Yet, here we are. I considered composing a lazy list covering the past two weeks. I was even going to bullet-point it to make it easy for Jodi to understand. But that seems like cheating. It also seems like more work than I’m willing to put into a post. Again. So instead I’m going to ramble on until this one reaches the requisite hundred word minimum. This should about do it.
As strange as it may seem, if we don't post today we will default in the 104 Posts in 52 Weeks (104P52W) Challenge. (Not that Jodi or Dabysan would ever notice, but that's beside the point. Pride is on the line, and we've come too far to lose now.) Fortunately for us, the bylaws are quite clear: this bullshit self-referential post counts. We'll have more to say tomorrow.
I had been kicking myself for not trying to extend my stay in the Emerald City through the weekend, but I guess things have a way of working out for the best whether we realize it or not. M-----l headed west the day after I came home, and he and Homebody spent the morning watching my team play his team. I could have been there watching with them. It's best that I wasn't. There are worse fan bases in sports, but no fans are worse than Bengal fans when it comes to keeping a little bit of success in proper perspective. I still remember vividly the bitching and moaning on the part of Bengal fans when the Steelers shredded them (and Carson Palmer's knee) on the way to Super Bowl XL. You'd have thought the league promised them a championship or something, the way they cried about "being robbed." And I have no doubt that everyone in southwest Ohio believes after today that they are owed a Super Bowl victory. After two flukey losses, I kind of hope we face the Bungles a third time in the playoffs. I look forward to seeing them (and, hopefully, Carson Palmer's knee) shredded by the Steelers once again on their - the Steelers' - way to a seventh Lombardi Trophy.
Who dey? Dey ain't nuthin', that's who dey.
I'm in Seattle. It's the first time I have been here. I like it so far, but I'm getting very tired. I've had a lot going on over the past week and it's all starting to catch up to me. I'm going to go to sleep now. I'm glad I flew across the country to go to bed really early in a city I have never visited before. That was smart planning. More later.
Boy, for a couple of teetotaling vegetarians, CarrieNation and Dabysan throw one hell of a party. I mean, I knew it was going to be a good time, but yesterday went above and beyond my highest expectations. I'm so unbelievably happy for the both of them, and even though it's been said plenty, I'd like to offer them my public congratulations one last time. I am deeply honored that two people I care about so much asked me to be a part of their special day. I'm just thankful that I only flubbed my toast in small ways that nobody seemed to notice. I was so sure I was going to screw it up.
I have other stuff I should be doing right now. But I made the mistake of turning on my computer when I got home. Then I re-read Dabysan's excellent post about getting married this weekend. Then I started thinking about my toast, which I thought I had completed last night. Then I started going back through some - okay, most - of our posts about Karaoke to the Death. Then I started listening to the audio from past years. Then I started thinking about how great all my friends are, and how much I'm looking forward to this fantastic celebration on Saturday - despite the fact that I have to give a toast, which I definitely don't want to do.
I have other stuff I should be doing right now, but you're going to have a hard time convincing me I wasted my evening.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Suck it, Phillies.
PS. Jerry Hairston, Jr. got into the game last night. Is that why the Yanks won? I'm saying yes. Thanks, M-----l. Jerry is good luck.
