Operacion Puerto

ALEXANDRIA, Virginia (AP) -- Scandal rocked the karaoke world today when an audio tape was released that revealed a contestant had tanked in competition during Karaoke to the Death VI.  The tape, issued by KttFilms, features an interview with a perennial frontrunner, El Cap-E-Tan, and a sideline reporter known only as Vanna.  During the interview, Mr. Cap-E-Tan was heard to say, "...but the thing was I had to try to suck.  You can suck without trying, but..."  At which point Vanna asked, "Did you try, or did you just naturally suck?"  Mr. Cap-E-Tan responded robustly and unequivocally, "I tried to suck.  I tried to suck."

In a public statement to members of the media, Karaoke to the Death co-founder Dabysan said, "Obviously this is a major blow to the integrity of our competition, as well as an insult to all those who compete honestly."  Dabysan's partner in the creation of KttD, and current title holder, Hotrod had this to add, "The real victim here is Dabysan.  He only narrowly defeated a man known to have sung deliberately beneath his abilities.  With this new information, maybe - just maybe - people could reevaluate his winning performance and come to the conclusion that Daby wasn't actually that bad a singer after all.  This could really hurt him in future competitions."

Mr. Cap-E-Tan burst onto the karaoke scene in 2005 with his shrill rendition of Martha and the Vandellas' 'Heat Wave' and ultimately came within one vote of taking the title in his rookie year - an unprecedented feat in the modern era of Karaoke to the Death.  He was considered by many to be a favorite to win in 2006, during which competition the interview released today occurred.

Upon completion of his initial performance in Karaoke to the Death VI, however, accusations of foul play were almost immediately hurled in Mr. Cap-E-Tan's direction - accusations which he has steadfastly denied.  Mr. Cap-E-Tan even went so far as to issue a public statement on October 21, 2006, cryptically stating in part, "Our subject at hand knows this. And he has one last chance to clear his name. Or else he will be forced into an abrupt retirement rivalled [sic] only be [sic] NFL running backs, wondering what constitutes bad singing."

Today's revelation comes at an especially sensitive juncture for El Cap-E-Tan.  With just over a week remaining until the 2007 contest, Mr. Cap-E-Tan must contend with the ramifications of today's events while still preparing and making travel arrangements not just for himself, but for his mother, sister, and brother-in-law - a controversial ploy which some have already claimed constitutes an attempt to establish a bloc of sympathetic voters within the jury-at-large.  When asked for comment, Mr. Cap-E-Tan's older brother and KttD IV champion Soo Doh Nim declined, saying only, "My family and I ask that you respect our privacy during this difficult time."

While Karaoke to the Death by-laws do not specifically prohibit tankers from competing in future events, many feel that the stigma is a stain that is nearly impossible to overcome.  Mwaanga Liebenthal, a veteran of the KttD circuit and several-time alleged tanker has this to say, "I barely know what I have to do anymore.  I know they suspect my performance of 'Come On, Eileen,' but I swear I had a sore throat that year and they've never let me live it down.  I'm a victim of circumstance."

Karaoke to the Death, now in its seventh year, is the premier bad karaoke competion in the world, and at its core is its stringent 'No Tanking' policy.  "You must try your best," is one of only two officially recorded rules in the KttD canon.  Says Dabysan, "[The Tanker] cuts at the very heart of the trust relationship between the KttD performer and the KttD audience."  The only question now for Mr. Cap-E-Tan is whether he can regain that trust.