in search of.... the showstopper

I feel one hundred percent comfortable speaking on behalf of Dabysan when I say we are both immensely proud of the bad karaoke contest we co-founded.  This is my Christmas, and I don't even wish I was joking.  Everyone who attends ends up loving Karaoke to the Death even if they were initially (and often) skeptical.  Not once in the past eight years have I ever discussed the event afterward with a first-timer and heard them say, "You know, that was kind of fun, but..."

So as yinz might expect, we find ourselves talking about our little sport quite a bit around this time of the year, and as it turns out there is actually a common response from the newbies.  To wit:  "Oh, well you don't want me there.  I'll win for sure."  Seriously.  You could set your watch to it.  And my response is always "Um....  no.  Actually, you won't."  They always look a little crestfallen.

Almost everyone with a somewhat realistic self-image figures themselves to be a terrible singer.  Its amazing, really, that anybody bothers to pick up a microphone in the first place, because virtually no one believes they can carry a tune.  But the thing is, most people are entirely unprepared for the sonic dissonance of KttD.  The most serious of KttD contenders scrutinize exactly which aspects of their singing are moderately successful and intentionally select a song to limit that success.  To be a KttD champion requires a level of self-awareness and willingness to endure humiliation with which most just aren't comfortable.  Which brings us to our final category of KttD songs.

The Showstopper is the most ephemeral of KttD songs, and there is almost way to plan one in advance.  They are products of the moment - and sometimes Jaegermeister - and many of the contest's most enduring moments are Showstoppers.  Like Bill Ramsey in KttD III, or Doc Paradox in KttD II.  The Showstopper almost always wins, or even ends, the competiton, but there are exceptions.  Allison's "Thunder Road" last year was most definitely a Showstopper; in another year, she might have emerged victorious.  But by the time she took the stage, Emma had an almost insurmountable lead.  So beware - attempting a Showstopping song is no clear-cut path to victory, which is why I am passing on the Zeppelin.

Weaknesses:  It's too long.  Long is good - to a point.  A bad five-minute song is ideal, because it goes on longer than most people are expecting and there is time to build up that much-desired animosity within the crowd of surly townies.  But eight minutes is long enough for people to begin ignoring you again.  And no one is actively hating you if they are ignoring you.  The KttD contender courts active hatred.  And - as always - those long and drawn-out moans and howls might make me uncomfortable to sing, but I think I can closely apporoximate their sound.  Which is a long way of saying once again: it's just not that hard to sing.