clawing at my eardrums
I just heard my first Christmas music of 2008. It was one of the least unctuous songs I can think of - Springsteen's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" - but my cringing recoil was still almost Pavlovian. God, I hate this time of year.
Comments
You'll feel better after I make you a warm plate of nondenominational holiday cookies.
Hotrod is a wrenching, scraping, grasping covetous old sinner -- as hard and sharp as flint, from which no stone ever struck generous fire.
1. If you can afford it, plan to be in some country or situation that doesn't celebrate Christmas. A yoga ashram on the beach worked well for me. I hear you can get an excellent deal on tickets to Mumbai.
2. Ski trips are also non-traditional, and the slopes are less crowded.
3. If that doesn't work, get aggressive with the charity angle. Make donations instead of gift giving. Volunteer. When he was in high school, Daby and I actually found common ground doing Christmas for the street kids.
4. Stay completely away from any and all retail outlets. If you must shop, use the Internet.
I thank you for your year-end suggestions. In a perfect world, I'd be snowboarding in Whistler or watching my back in Mumbai. But I learned long ago that I can skip Thanksgiving or Christmas but not both, and that when push comes to shove it's best not to miss Christmas. So as per usual, I'll be spending the holiday with my mom and my nieces and nephews.
(I'll also be ignoring your advice to shop online; if I didn't spend an afternoon at Toys R Us, all I would have by which to remember the holiday is the wide-eyed expressions of wonder and joy on the faces of my nieces and nephews. Something has to fuel my hatred for the next year.)
I believe Hotrod is planning on enduring this excruciating holiday at my home this year (yes, I know...lucky me!). In preparation for his arrival, I have already compiled a collection of Christmas music to be blared from the moment he arrives until the moment he leaves, or until holiday cheer oozes from his pores, whichever comes first. The clincher in my arsenal...Christmas, Christmas by Alvin and the Chipmunks.
How about I just skip this year? I'm sure the kids won't mind. They don't even like presents anyway, right?
Given your aforementioned disdain for the holiday, combined with your ever present disdain for your family, I think the best present you could give the kiddies is the beauty of your absence.
Of course, you won't get this though.
Save your money on that sweater. Buy the girls a candy bar to share.
Smooth it over?! As if anyone would be upset?!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
There's a chance we might miss this type of comedy, but I doubt it.
My thoughts exactly.